Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me
Just some random meanderings about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A place where everything i do and say is right.

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The Secret Message Thread
Posted:Jul 19, 2016 3:58 am
Last Updated:Jan 5, 2019 5:25 am

This is the thread like most have where i leave the comments and my responses private and between us.

This is for those interested in artwork or simply those who have questions that are for our eyes only.

I realize that this is self-serving and somewhat lazy, but i still refuse to pay for a subscription to this site. Not if I'm not going to run around with my dick out and messaging 47 people in a span of twenty minutes just waiting for a tug on the line.

I'm not here to chase people, but i am here to meet new people who are interested.
0 Comments , 5 Pending
Glazed and Confused
Posted:Jan 16, 2019 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2019 5:19 pm
I've been going on and on about the masturbatory benefits of using coconut oil for a month now. But if you're going to let a lover or girlfriend go crazy with it in the shower.. be sure that you rinse your shower thoroughly.
Grow the Fuck Up Already
Posted:Jan 14, 2019 8:14 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2019 8:16 am
I had a long taxing Saturday and needed all of Sunday to recover from spending an entire day surrounded by a bunch of fucking grown up men that still believe that buying toys is a quality investment for themselves.

These guys walk up and look around at my artwork and items, then launch into this long rant about how Disney is attaking their poor fragile sensibilities by making super hero and sci i movies that don't speak to them. At first, i just chuckle and dismiss their rant, but after five guys come up and start bitchng about the same thing. I get impatient and i let my real opinions out without as much regard for their feelings as they have for mine. I'll cut them off in mid sentence and declare,

Star Wars has been and always will be a movie for 6 year olds. You're 49 , you have 1,500 dollars worth of action figures and no woman to tell you to zip up your pants. Being angry about Star Wars is just misdirected anger about you not being able to move away from your own childhood.

Star Trek sucks and always will. The older guys will try to give you their manifesto about why the 1963 show is still vastly superior to the new movies despite having none of the required science for a science fiction show. As Captain Kirk, William Shatner was a joke of masculinity and bravado that ran and punched like a woman with a purse. The stories were fucking stupid too, anyone who can sit through the episode, Spock's Brain, just is not being intellectually honest with themselves.

The fact that these guys just want to hang around my table and spit out vitriol about everything that they are there to worship is just exhausting. Aside from that, i kick them away from my table if they start harrassing the women there dressed up like Sailor Moon or whatever character in tight spandex. My advice to them is, Act like you have seen a woman before Instead of blurting out the most inappropriate thing that makes a woman recoil and leave my table without buying something.

These guys are EVERY WHERE!

Nothing will appease these dateless nerds.

The show, The Big Bang Theory, gives Incel nerds the wrong idea about how to approach women. All of these stupid out of shape, pimple faced weaklings think that if they pursue an attractive woman long enough, that she will eventually concede and fall madly in love with them...

...or slap them with a restraining order.

They never consider showering, or expanding their world view to include something other than an encyclopedic knowledge of comic books, and television shows. They never put any effort into doing their own laundry and smelling like a moldy old towel is perfectly fine for them.

These guys are fucking LAZY. But somehow, supposed to feel entitled to sit with them and listen to their bullshit about how women just don't get them.

But the asshole when i tell them the truth.

Grow the fuck up.

Anyway, here i with the Starship, The Millennium Galactica from the show, Space 1999.
My Dinner with an Ex Con
Posted:Jan 12, 2019 6:44 am
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2019 3:20 pm

I used to work at a local radio rock station in town. I handled the early morning shift from 2 am to 5 am, then carried over to the morning show to do the news and sit in on some banter.

So, being on air during the time when most bad stuff happens. Sometimes, i would find myself doing an impromptu therapy session with a lonely drunk caller or invited out to parties that didn't end till the balcony collapsed.

I only got this job because the program director thought that i was funny and i didn't stutter on air.

So, as i would talk between songs and at times to fill in some dead air, i would get calls from women that were up way too late. So, i ended up dating women that were bold enough to call me up.
A lot of times, it wasn't a good match and i began to take calls less and less. One of the last dates that i went on was with a dark haired woman a little older than me. She met me at a restaurant that wasn't too fancy, but i didn't have to carry a tray to the table.
When our food came to the table, she casually mentioned that the waitress was looking at me and if she continued, that there would be a scene. I carefully assured her that the waitress was only doing her job.

She settled and the surrounded her plate with her elbows and proceeded to eat her food. She began to tell me about being in prison for two years and this was her first real date in months. Lucky me.

She stripped the chicken on her plate down like a swarm of piranha and asked if i wanted to go back to her place.

I slowly declined but she still called me a pussy and i have to admit.. She was right.
The Sapphic Soiree
Posted:Jan 11, 2019 6:14 am
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2019 7:04 pm

I found something on Netflix.

Blue is the Warmest Color is a french movie about a young girl on her journey to discover who she is sexually as a woman. I just wrote another blog post about fast forwarding to the nude scenes and at 2 hours and 59 minutes, that is almost a requirement.

The scenes with dialogue and exposition are long and drolling with the camera often floating on the blank open mouthed expressions of the young protagonist. The editor of this film must have just thrown up his hands and just declared that every bit of footage must be used because nothing gets spared.

Once the young woman meets an intriguing blue haired woman, the movie finally begins as she questions whether or not she is wasting time with boys. She finally makes her decision and ends up in tge furst najor sex scene that was nearly ten minutes long and so graphic that i was left naked, trembling and crumbled in a heaving mess with a hand full of coconut oil and a penis that looked like a glazed donut.

Things get testy as time moves on, but if you fast forward to the next sex scene you can spare yourself the drama of two girls confused about who gets to wake who up from a nap to ask if they are taking a nap. I think things go sideways when one girl passively-aggressively reminds the other that the hamper is for dirty clothes and that wet towels must go in a separate hamper. I am pretty sure the relationship ends after both women can't reconcile which way the toilet paper should fall, but tge sex scenes are worth it!

It's a French movie, so everything is in subtitles, but this movie reminds me of the old European movies that were shown on Showtime back in the 80s.
The Boss
Posted:Jan 10, 2019 3:58 am
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2019 11:50 am

Years ago when I was floating in between jobs as a student. I took a summer job working as a part time leasing agent. I was interviewed three times by the staff and finally welcomed aboard.

As the low man on the totem pole, I ended working every weekend while the rest of the staff floated and worked with me for a full day on Saturday. I took the Sunday shift on my own.

Sundays were typically slow days and nothing ever happened except for the random tenant that had a busted faucet. Saturdays though were always a blast with one of the other staff members. Carole was a tall woman from Pleasanton, TX with a heavy drawl and a pretty tough demeanor. She was the one who always had the salty jokes and wouldn't mind throwing out the sexual innuendo. Michelle, was the outgoing one with the loud night life and flirty personality. Brenda was the pragmatic one that I liked to sit and have quieter conversations with.

My boss, Diane.

She was the one that intimidated me. She hired me, she always smiled at me, but I treated her like she was the principal of the school. Always got quiet and made sure she saw my head down and elbows moving at my desk. She would power strut through the office with a determined pace to her destination and back. Her heels were a heavy thooming thud and you could tell where she was even without watching her.
At times, I could hear her steps stop directly behind me as she checked my work then moved along. Her steps were a decrescendo back to her office.

Then the office chatter would kick up again.

So, months go by and Summer turns to the holiday season. Diane got a tiny portable TV from her manfriend. On the rare occasions that Diane worked on a Saturday, we would just sit and watch the TV in her office and I was the one designated to work the rabbit ears to clear up the signal every two minutes while she kicked back in her chair.

I didn't talk to my boss the way I talked to my Co-workers, so I was surprised when she asked me how I was doing after my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a difficult break up.. one of those that in hindsight should have been more of a blessing than a curse. But we told her that it wasn't an easy one and that was still pretty upset about it.
The TV went off and she sat up in her chair and threw her elbows up on her desk. She looked over the bridge of her glasses at me and just went off into a profanity laced rant about how the wrong people will always try to make you feel like YOU'RE the wrong person. I just sat there blinking at the honesty just rolling off her tongue in the moment.

Honestly, I felt a lot better about what she said. It was fifteen minutes before closing so I stood up to start shutting down everything. She just instructed me to lock the doors and come back to her office.

I am NOT the same person that I was back then, so I had no clue what was about to happen. I thought we were going to watch TV.

When I got back to her office, she was setting out two drinks. Then proceeded to tell me how angry she was with the man that she was dating. I had seen him before, a tall tanned man in his late 50s with his shirt unbuttoned to reveal a nest of white chest hair and large gold nugget jewelry.

I sipped on my drink just listening to her. Not even daring to take a larger drink, but she just swigged the last of hers down and encouraged me to do the same. Then asked me if I wanted to go to dinner.

We got into her car and she immediately drove to a bar.

The tension eased up after another drink. I didn't know how to act around my boss, but I just followed her lead. So, after three rounds and a lot of laughing.. something that I have always had and easy time doing, we drove back to the office.

Instead of turning back to the office, she turned into the property and parked the car. There was a pregnant pause while she sat there thinking and I sat there a little confused. She asked me if I had my master key on me and we got out of the car and walked up to an empty unit. I fumbled with the key for a moment and once we were in with the door closed.. my heart was racing. I am not sure if you could hear it in the vacuum of the quiet, but we stood there for a moment before my 37 year old boss grabbed my hand and we walked to the empty bedroom.

She dropped her purse and walked back over to me. I stepped up to her as well and put my arms around her and kissed her.

Well, I'm all out of time.

So same, Bat Channel!
Same Bat- Time!
Posted:Jan 7, 2019 6:57 am
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2019 5:22 pm
This is EXACTLY what i looked like this morning, sitting at the edge of my bed wondering what day it was.

I guess rather than focusing on my own negative aspects, i should reinforce what has been working for me.

I don't search out blogs here on this site, but i do follow and respect those that come here to mine and have nothing but a positive presence.

I'm not one to leave lewd comments, even on HNW posts. I appreciate the pics and the people who take them for fun, but I'm one of a thousand guys here and it's not my place to spill a bunch of comments that i normally wouldn't say to a close lover.

You can take me as i am, or not.

Off and on, i felt the need to have a nude profile pic. I understand, i wasn't the only guy with a nude profile pic, but did it really project what i wanted to portray myself as? Also, in a sea of dick pics, was i ever going to stand out on my own? Especially, while commenting on blogs, how serious was i ever going to be taken when i don't even have any pants on?

The pics and videos are still there, i just changed the privacy to "Friends Only" to avoid any unnecessary entanglements.

I don't have any problems with gay men and will support any man in his decisions and his preferences. I just don't want to be approached by a bunch of dirty old men that have no social skills. I have been called a fag for telling those guys to fuck off, but they're the ones asking for butt sex... go figure.

Last thing, i really wish that Republicans would wear a big bandage on their heads so that we just think that they have a sever concussion. Just so i can resolve that issue in my head.
The Serendipity Room
Posted:Jan 5, 2019 4:39 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2019 6:57 am

Last year, I was invited to a join a group on FB for local swingers and perverts. I spent a week just watching the interactions and trying to get the feel for the group. I just commented on a couple of memes and pics and it wasn't long before I was PMd by the group admin. A robust woman with no problem telling you exactly what she wants to do with you.

After a few days, I got the description of a personal room in the house that she keeps all to herself called, The Serendipity Room. She told me that's where she invites all of her friends and have quiet little sex parties.

I had not been in anything fun for a while, so I was intrigued. She invited me over for a party that evening and mentioned that some friends would be there as well. She was a little vague, but I was curious to see what a real sex party was like.

I have watched those swinger clips from the Playboy Mansion where there is a giant velvet room sized bed with throw pillow and sex toys scattered every where. How different could this be? I have seen some of the women and think most of them are cute.

Through no fault of my own, I was going to show up twenty minutes late and let the host know about this. She assured me that things wouldn't get started till I got there. I drove out to the house following my GPS with all sorts of thoughts swimming through my head as to what I was going to see.

When I drove up I saw a few cars in the driveway and I parked in front of the house. I walked up with a couple of butterflies building up, but confident enough that I have made a good enough impression. Especially if I had been invited to the Serendipity Room after just a week of being in this group. I rang the doorbell and 5'1" woman in a satin teddy opened the door with a huge bright smile. I walked in and she greeted me with a very tight and personal hug and took me by the hand to the room.

The door was painted with glitter paint in a oblong swirl of color that met in the center that resembled and anus. The puckered glitter design was topped with a cursive Serendipity Room and also in glitter paint. She opened the door and I was led into a darkened room lit only with some purple christmas lights across the head of a huge bed. As I walked in, I saw the bare shoulders of men standing about like penned cattle. Some bumped into each other as they moved across the room in the dark. The room was warmer and a little more humid than the rest of the house and there was also the slight hint of ass in the air. I could hear the moans of some women somewhere in the room, possibly under the pile of four men that were all facing inward in a circle on the bed. One corner of the bed, I could see a bare ass moving up and down.. surrounded by another group of men stroking themselves watching..

I was fully clothed so I was led back out and down the hallway to the living room where I could see some more people sitting about on the couch. A table was sprawled out against the wall with a couple of middle aged couples discussing plans for the night and one random man standing at the table completely naked. His pale white body almost glowed in the fluorescent light, making his greying patches of shoulder hair perfectly visible from where I was standing.

I was introduced to the group in the room who were mostly half dressed. Strangely, I was uncomfortable with the surroundings, I think I had already made my decision that I was not going to get undressed in any fashion, but just wanted to be sure that I said, Hello, to everyone.

I ended up having the longest conversation with the naked man.. Not because I wanted to be there in front of him while he encouraged me to try the baloney rolls, but he just had the most to say without a break in the conversation to excuse myself. He was just happy to be there.

After he finally broke the conversation to notice a woman walking into the room, i made my way around the rest of the room. Keeping my eye on the door as the eventual goal.

I finally made my way back to the hosts of the party and just told them that I had to get home to feed my dogs. (I didn't have any dogs), but I was invited to come back around again and we all said our goodbyes for the night.

Outside of being at the nudist ranch on a Saturday afternoon, that was the only time that I had been surrounded by that many naked people and didn't have sex.

I think I mentioned the nude pool party that I went to a few years ago and this one ranked right there with that party as well.
Skipping Forward to the Good Part
Posted:Jan 4, 2019 3:51 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2019 1:15 pm
I hope not the only one guilty of this, but I used to watch certain movies ONLY if there was an actress that I had a crush on who appeared nude.

The last that I did this was for the movie, About Schmidt, and I fast forwarded all the way till I got to the part where Kathy Bates drops her bath robe before walking into the hot tub with some guy name Jack Nickolhoffer or something.

I have to say that I was not disappointed and you can me funny, but I like women about her age and her frame.

She kind of reminds me of the tiny Stoner guru that I met on this site four ago that I see from time to time. She's always been kind of a free spirit that just invited me over because we talked for a really long time.. then one day after a year she asked if I wanted to see her bedroom... and well things escalated from there ever since.

Anyway, has there been anyone that you fast forwarded through to see naked?
It's 2019, Fashionistas!
Posted:Jan 3, 2019 2:31 pm
Last Updated:Jan 5, 2019 3:23 am
This is what we are supposed to be wearing this year according to the movie, Zardoz.

I got my red velvet bandoliers today in the mail.
Eat It, Trumplethinskin
Posted:Jan 3, 2019 4:07 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2019 8:54 pm
I had to resist the urge to take over another blog and literally troll each and every fat white man that left a comment in defense of that insecure doofus in the white house.

I haven't been crying about losing the election for two years. I've just been bitching because Trump is exactly as stupid as we all knew he was before he went into office. Every one of his idiot base still thinks this guy is tough, walks with a big stick and is effectively draining the swamp...

But is he REALLY?

This stupid shithead has our country locked in a Cold Civil War where he effectively sends out dog whistle statements geared to whip is base of disenfrancised white men into a fever of resentmet and hate where they feel victimized enough to go into a school, church, yoga studio or night club and take it out on the people that they feel are responsible for their plight in life.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. White men took away whiskey from the native Americans when they realized that they couldn't handle their booze. White men were all for sensible gun control when The Black Panthers decided to walk around their neighborhoods with rifles. Maybe it's time to do what these republucans want and step right back into pre-civil rights America for a moment and take the whiskey and guns away from the White men that are really ruining this country?

That sounds harsh, doesn't it?

That's what discrimination sounds like when it's not a bunch of white guys dishing it out.

We have a fucking idiot in charge that believes that if he takes the deal that was presented to him 8 months ago by his own party on border security, that he "will look foolish". Well, that should be the least of his worries.

17 active investigations and probes are swirling around this president. Some of those are centered on his own inauguration committees for misappropriation of funds, for gauging our government by overcharging for rooms and banquet halls in hs own hotels. No we know why he demanded that the news cycle report that his was the biggest inauguration in history. That's because it was 50 million over budget and for some reason, there is still 42 million dollars unaccounted for and we know this because motherfuckin Rick Gates is sitting in jail right now for admitting that he stole 10 million of that money.

Michael F'n Cohen, Drumpf's own personal attorney and fixer was raided this year and the President went from calling that raid an attack on our democracy to referring to Cohen as a rat for cooperating with the Southern District of New York in an investigation on Drumpf for money laundering and racketeering.

Trump said he didn't know Stormy Daniels, until a picture showed up. Trump said he didn't have a disclosure agreement with her till the document showed up. Then Trump repeatedy denied a payment or any knowledge of a payment until the audio recordings showed up proving otherwise.

Every time someone sticks a microphone in Trump's face, he sounds like a rambling old man in a nursing home telling you about the time that he was abducted by aliens in a story that is embellished with hints if how masculine he is and how he beat up the aliens to escape and then they all played and had ice cream later.

Do i have to rant about how thin skinned Trump is in the face of women?

This year's season finale of House of Cards was a Doozey when all of the adults in his cabinet resigned in the span of a month. Some of them left because they couldn't handle being the babysitter for a giant man-baby that has never been told, no. Others eft because of the looming scandals that were coming their way. Then there is Ben Carson who is still acting like the victim of a concussion whenever he is is public view.

Two years and it seems like this asshat has been president for ten years already. The news cycle is domininated by this guy and his senseless ramblings on border security to how great he would be as a general... you know, if he hadn't paid off some podiatrist to give him five deferrments.

Thanks to Lucuegirl2 for the meme. Being blocked on fb was worth it.
Not Quite the Same
Posted:Jan 1, 2019 6:55 am
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2019 6:21 pm
This year, New Year's Eve was just a little quieter.

Driving through the beighbirhood to my mother's house was much quieter. Typically, this town has a restriction on fireworks within the city but that has never stopped any of the three fingered citizens from arming themselves with an aresenal of tissue paper wrapped missles and M-80s.

I pulled up to my mother's house and the neighbors house across the street was dark and empty. By 8 in the evening, the ambulance might hav been to their home at least twice to deal with a ruptured eardrum or blown up fingers... maybe both. Their matriarch passed away four ago and the parties at their home began to get smaller and smaller.

This past year we lost two of our own. My father in March and my Aunt in November just after Thanksgiving. It seemed like this was our year to have a smaller party.

It didn't seem like a party this year. Everyone had a little bit of nostalgia that ended with a little wish for things to be the way they used to be. I came home well before midnight and watched the fireworks downtown from my second story windows to ring in the New Year.

It was nice and quiet. Then i sent out coconut oil vids to my pervert friends.

Carpe 2019
Happy Nude Year's Eve
Posted:Dec 31, 2018 1:16 pm
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2019 4:52 am
Hi there, Folks

This year, a friend of mine had told me to give coconut oil a try while enjoying my "Me" time. I had kind of scoffed it off, and just didn't pay much attention.

She also turned me on to Cookie Butter, so i have no idea why I resisted on her idea to use coconut oil. This past week, we were chatting for a bit and the topic came up again. This time I looked at the giant jar of Coconut Oil sitting on the kitchen counter that was going to be used in a recipe.

I scooped a modest amount in my fingers and then proceeded to go ahead and rub it on the head of my cock. At first it was a novel feeling and I just fooled around with no real objective in mind..

So 45 minutes later, I was still playing around and ready to move on with my day and had an earth shattering kaboom of an orgasm. My friend wanted to see what I did so videos exist out there of the incident. That is an entire subject on it's own because that is something that I just did for the very first time as well.

I'm going to spare you the visual details, but my penis now feels fantastic and I have to even everything out so I don't feel like elbow skin every where else in comparison.

Something that I will leave up for discussion later. Should I join the party and post nudes here or leave them on my profile for friends only?

Happy Nude Year and looking forward to sharing more with my friends.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Glazed and Confused (2)misskissin
Jan 16, 2019 4:51 pm
Grow the Fuck Up Already (20)misskissin
Jan 14, 2019 3:35 pm
Responding to Erotic Stories (9)BlackPussyRules
Jan 12, 2019 3:58 pm
My Dinner with an Ex Con (16)misskissin
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The Sapphic Soiree (6)misskissin
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Jan 10, 2019 6:10 pm
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The Serendipity Room (8)sexyldy1000
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Skipping Forward to the Good Part (24)BiggLala
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It's 2019, Fashionistas! (5)misskissin
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