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Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Paper Mache Babies
Posted:Dec 15, 2019 10:36 am
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2019 11:42 pm

I opened my eyes this morning to the sight of the creepy paper mache baby staring me in the face, one eyebrow missing, and the sound of my 's giggling streaming in from out in the hallway.

Me - Very funny!

- You never spend time with your grandson, I thought this could be a bonding moment.

Me - Consider us bonded.

There was a time when I thought I never wanted to have . The last thing I wanted was to bring a into the world that I knew as a ....

And then I had .

The realization was, I could make their world anything, and I chose to make it good.

Even if that does mean I wake up, from time to time, eyeball to eyeball with a creepy, paper mache baby.
It was... the Friday from hell.
Posted:Dec 14, 2019 9:43 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2019 3:24 pm

We had a potluck at work Friday.

Potluck, meaning, coworkers volunteered to bring dishes of food to share with others in the spirit of bonding over a meal.

I was one of those coworkers who brought in food.

I had canvased my place of employment all week to see who was bringing in what so I would know what to purchase to fill in the gaps on Friday. Nearly everyone I spoke with said "I don't do potlucks... I'm not bringing anything."

Funny, though... all those people who didn't bring anything certainly didn't have any issues with EATING the food everyone else brought in.

Kind of PISSED me off, to tell you the truth.

Even better???

One of them actually complained to me that there "could have been a salad option."


Want a salad????

Bring a salad to share....

Once again, I'm disappointed with the population at large. I live in a world where people just continue to take from others without any regard to giving back.
How was my day?
Posted:Dec 12, 2019 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2019 3:23 am

Kinda terrible.

If there was an award for Scum Mom of the Year, I think I've probably earned it.

I received an explanation of benefits from my insurance company the other day for appointments that I was certain were not my sons. I even verified with him that he had NOT seen a doctor while at his Dad's house.

I never took him to the doctor.....

There was most certainly fraud afoot!

After calling my insurance company and 3 hospitals to find out where the mistake was made, he finally admitted today that he had been seeing a psychologist at the wellness clinic in his school.

His dad and I just looked at each other.

Dad - Well, we know what's going on now.

Me - Why didn't you tell me?? Do you know how many phone calls I've made about this?

- It's hard for me to talk about this stuff.

Dad - It says psych evaluation. What are they doing?

- I'm having a hard time opening up to people, I wanted to talk to someone about it.

My heart sank when I heard that. He's always been so secretive, I hurt at the thought that my own can't talk to me. I ended up telling him I understood, I wished that he had just been honest with me, but if this was something he needed, he should continue seeing the psychologist.

I feel as though I've let him down.

In other news today....

Boss #1 and Boss #2 have recently started parenting my interactions with Nose Hairs.

It's kind of weird, I've got to be honest.

When Nose Hairs stopped by my office to ask for a report this morning Boss #1 made his presence known by sliding my window open and standing in it.

Apparently they don't feel he's being on the up-and-up with his interactions with me.

This should be interesting.
Toaster Strudel Wars
Posted:Dec 10, 2019 2:58 pm
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2019 4:11 pm

In my house, it's all out war.

Complete savagery....

The only thing missing is Mad Max racing across the desert looking for gasoline.

The moment I saw my pulling out the toaster I knew she was making a toaster strudel.

Me - Oh! Make me one!!

- No, make your own!

Me - Hey. I housed you in MY body for 9 months, then continued to keep you alive for the next 12 years. The LEAST you could do is make me a toaster strudel.

- Really Mom?!? You use that excuse for everything.

Me - I'm just using my resources.

I should have known something was up when she actually brought me a strudel. Not paying attention, I thanked her and continued to mess with the remote trying to put new batteries in it.

Still not paying attention, I reached over and grabbed the coveted strudel off the paper towel it was perched on and took a bite.

No frosting, yet the strudel felt moist.

She LICKED off the frosting!!

The war is on!
Only where I live....
Posted:Dec 9, 2019 3:27 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2019 3:21 pm

Can you go to work wearing winter boots AND need to use an umbrella.


It's going to be fantastic later tonight when it gets cold and everything turns to ice.

My boss was already asking before I left work today if I had a plan in place to be able to make it to work tomorrow.

This should be interesting....

Speaking of Boss #1....

I managed to get the highest of compliments today from him. Two of my predecessors are favorites of his, this I have known from the start of my employment. They are still currently employed with the company and I've spoken with them from time to time to ask questions or to get help.

Boss #1 - You know how I feel about Suzy Q and and Betty Lou, don't you?

Me - Yes. They are favorites of yours. You guys go way back.

Boss #1 - I just want you to know, you have quite an impact on our store, and on me, and I appreciate that. I have something with you, that I didn't with them, and that's open and honest feedback and communication. I never had that with them, which puts you up here, above them. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.

I have to say, this comment made my entire day. There is no better feeling than being recognized for your hard work and dedication.
I can meet you in a half hour.
Posted:Dec 8, 2019 9:28 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2019 3:19 pm

Really?? A half hour you say....

At the top of my To Do List today was to meet a random stranger who just happens to be in my town today and says he can meet me in minutes or less.

Will he have a pizza with him as well?

I have to honestly ask, does this line actually work for people out there?

Perhaps I'm behind the times as I like to be selective in who I meet. I want to know I'm not about to catch The Clap. I want to believe there won't be a scorned wife / girlfriend stalking me at my very public place of employment. I would also like to minimize my chances of becoming a victim of crime.

After all.... this guy is willing to meet me sight unseen.

I politely declined his offer, telling him that I already had a friend and thanked him for his interest.

On a weird side note.... Not seconds after I sent that response, I received a stating "" was verifying my "phone#" and that I should respond to the hyperlink.

Related, ya think????

I very rarely respond on here unless it's in response to a blog (I have a few readers that comment via my inbox) or it's one of the few online friends I've made over the years.

I guess this is what I get for trying to be polite.
Lazy Saturday
Posted:Dec 7, 2019 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2019 3:23 am

Feeling a little tired and hung over today....

I didn't really drink all that much last night, I probably didn't eat enough for dinner before I went out.

Note to self - Must eat more than a ham sandwich and fruit before drinking.

I had a friend sleep over last night, someone who I've been with a few times, but also someone who I'm still getting to know, who is still getting to know me.

This is always the tough sequence of time for me....

The first time you have sex is always fantastic.

It's someone NEW!

It's NEW experiences!!

NEW thoughts and feelings!!!

After you've been together a few times, your oddities and intricacies come out...

Where does he like to be touched? Not like to be touched? A favorite position begins to emerge....

My oddities and intricacies are little more psychological.

Why can't I just kiss a guy? Why do I always feel like I have to hold back? Why is my clit so sensitive and hurt when my partner is merely trying to pleasure me? Am I the only one who experiences the involuntary need to draw my legs tightly together the moment his touch finds me down there? Can he see the scars that I have down there?

I refrain from discussing this stuff, instead leaving it an oddity that may or may not even be noticed by my partner.
I've been adopted.
Posted:Dec 5, 2019 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2019 4:24 am

day.... creepy Lexmark Technician.

Why is it that most embarrassing moments happen in front of an audience?

The Lexmark technician showed up today to install the imaging unit and activate the staple function on printer.

He looked like a muppet.

Frazzled from the start, he showed up in office asking help him find the units as they were shipped earlier in the week and he was unable locate them.

They weren't that hard find, but it led painfully awkward small talk while I secretly wanted die. I learned about his 2 year old car with 200,000 miles on it. I learned that he was single but was just a family man without the family. I learned that he had an allergy rayon.

I laughed and said he'd better keep his distance, entire outfit was made of Rayon.

At the moment I thought I could take no more, he was done. He thanked me profusely for helping him find the imaging unit and continued talk while I barely listened and halfheartedly said a few "Ok, no problems".

Little did I know Boss #2 was actively listening from the office next door and the moment he walked of the offices she appeared.

Boss #2 - You're collecting a following.

- OMG! Did you witness all that??

Boss #2 - Yes, I did. I had chuckle at your responses. He might be the ....

- Um.... Nope. I'm fairly certain he is not.

What does this have do with being adopted?

Let tell you....

So, 45 minutes later the Lexmark technician showed up in office door, again. I was talking with Boss #1 and the technician said , "I've adopted you as signing buddy because you're so nice."

The moment he walked away, Boss #2 appeared of nowhere.

Boss #2 - So, he's adopting you now.

- Where did you come from?!?

Boss #2 - I'm everywhere.

Me - I think I'll stick being an orphan.
Things I learned about myself today....
Posted:Dec 3, 2019 4:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2019 4:07 pm

1. a mechanical genius. I tore apart not only 1 key fab, but TWO key fabs and replaced the batteries. *Note-it did take the assistance of both boss #1, Nose Hairs, and 2 youtube videos.... But I was able to get my fabs back and running!

2. I hate Apple support. I abso-fucking-lutely hate Apple support. After an hour and a half on the phone with 2 separate people I was finally able to create a to return my 's phone to be fixed. If it weren't warranty, certain they would have had my charged for a return and a box sent in minutes.

3. I am unable to see tiny writing without my glasses. Up until 2 years ago, I didn't even wear glasses.... Now I can't see shit up close without them. If the grey hairs didn't already make feel old, this certainly does. Maybe I do need to get one of those gold old lady chains...

4. " I have no idea the impact I have on other people." This is a direct quote from Boss #1. We had a discussion yesterday about positive body posture and I pointed out that he frequently has his arms crossed when he is addressing other people and this has negative connotation linked to it. He took it to heart and is now working on breaking this habit.

5. proud of Boss #1 for actively working on his anal retentive ways.
And.... Cut!
Posted:Dec 2, 2019 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2019 4:38 pm

This day has been a wrap.

I managed to forget to wear my glasses today AS WELL AS show up for work with my sweater inside out.

How on earth is that even possible??

I knew the minute I started driving down the road to drop my off at school I was sans glasses.... But it was too late.

I didn't have time to go back for them.

Little did I know, 3 hours later, I would look down and see the seam to my sweater on the outside of my arm.

How classy is that??

Even better... How did it go unnoticed by EVERYONE??

I think I'm going to just chuck this day in the Fuck-it Bucket.
It's 3:37 am...
Posted:Dec 1, 2019 12:56 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2019 4:47 am

Of course I can't sleep.

So, here I lay, in the middle of the night, watching scary movies in bed and contemplating the meaning of life.

If THAT doesn't lull me to sleep, I don't know what will....

The storm that has been expected is finally here, I can hear the ice and freezing rain pelting the wall next to my bed. I can't even imagine what the state of things will be tomorrow, I'm just glad I don't have to work.

There are times, on nights like tonight, when I can't shut off my mind, I start to feel a little lonely.
And Black Friday Wins
Posted:Nov 30, 2019 3:35 am
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2019 2:11 pm

The majority of my days are spent working behind the scenes....

I have an office with a direct line and I deal with issues like hiring and payroll and needy coworkers that cant seem to remember their fucking password to save their life.

But there are days.....

That I volunteer my time on the sales floor.

Days like.... Black Friday

I continue to be disappointed by the population at large. What has happened to us as a society that we have to yell and berate an employee because a limited quantity item has sold during a Black Friday Sale.

Listen Karen, I don't care that you drove 45 minutes to get here to pick up that Apple Watch. It's gone. Maybe you should have left earlier.

The early bird gets the worm, right?

How about this Karen..... How about the fact that I have NOTHING to do with how much product we have on the floor and what quantities we receive for such sales as a Black Friday Sale. Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, these are elements that are out of my control and that when you treat me like shit it hurts my feelings?

Probably not....

No, all you care about is the fact that you are leaving without an Apple Watch. You will fester and treat every sales person you come into with like shit. You will complain that we never have anything you come for and that you don't understand how we can stay in business with such poor customer service. You will likely even complain about the rude sales woman couldn't miraculously produce an Apple Watch of thin air.

I can only hope, Karen, that the treatment you bestowed upon me is one day bestowed upon you as well.

I'm certain you will enjoy it just as much as I did.
Thanksgiving Tradition
Posted:Nov 28, 2019 11:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2019 2:11 am

We all have them...

I spent the morning drinking wine and cooking up a storm in the kitchen.

Nothing like a good day drunk....

By the time the and I sat down eat I was a pretty good mood.

Still am, actually.

So, it didn't really bother when one of the biscuits still had the consistency of chewing gum and had creepy paper mache doll sitting in the empty spot the table.

Heck, I embraced it and included it in thankful speech.

Me - Today I am thankful to have happy and healthy , I'm thankful to have a roof over head and the ability take care of our needs.... And most of all, I am thankful have the creepy paper mache sitting across the table from .

- Mom!!!

And, would be our tradition. Every year we start our meal with why we are thankful.

#2 - I'm thankful for truck. And new tires. And I get go hunting with dad tonight.

Ok, he's a . I get it...

- Today I am thankful I was able find Tristen's eyebrow in the carpet. I was really worried.

What?!? Only could come up with something like a missing eyebrow on a paper mache be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving folks!

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